I can’t even remember who said it, for some reason, a grocery store comes to mind. But it comes as no surprise to me that an elderly face was the genesis of the best piece of marriage advice I ever received.
Like my father, I have no problem initiating random conversations with random people in random places. These moments usually render some of the soundest, wisest statements I’ve ever heard, and I’ve long believed that God humors himself/herself by operating in the realm of random. On this particular day, I think I was standing in a long line at the local grocery store, when I happened to start a conversation with an old white guy behind me.
I cracked a joke about the food I was carrying in my small basket, saying that I would be cooking for my wife. He laughed and said that was a lesson he wished he’d learned 20 years prior. We began to exchange the pleasantries of how long we had been married, and how much we enjoyed it.
And then he dropped the pearls on me.
“You know, forgiveness is the best thing you can ever give and receive in a marriage. Mistakes are going to happen, but if you believe that your wife does things on purpose, you made the wrong choice in a wife.”
Since then, I’ve always carried the philosophy that people I love never do things on purpose; the moment can sometimes drive them into a poor decision or an emotional reaction, but no one sets out to hurt the people they love. If you remember that, and your spouse can remember that, you’ve probably happened upon the key to true happiness in a marriage.
And you didn’t have to go to the grocery store to find it.
The only thing sadder than the sudden death of a loved one is drama that soon circulates without the person being able to defend themselves. That is the case now with Debbie Rowe, the former wife of Michael Jackson and surrogate mother to his two children, whom she now claims are not biologically his.
Rowe, who married Jackson at the Sheraton Hotel Sydney in November 1996, said she was artificially inseminated by an anonymous donor and likened herself to one of the thoroughbred mares she now keeps on her California ranch.
“I was just the vessel. It wasn’t Michael’s sperm,” Rowe told News of the World.
“I got paid for it, and I’ve moved on. I know I will never see my children again.”
The best thing about being married is that you are constantly learning, and loving the things you learn about your spouse. If you’ve picked the right person, you’ve found that they are constantly evolving in their outlook on life, love and everything in between. For the selfish brat in you, it’s time to rejoice because you reap the benefits of the homegrown perspective.
For example, my wife has learned that I’m a flighty, spur-of-the-moment writer. As we approach our second wedding anniversary, I am amazed at how much she has grown to love and admire that about me. Maybe she still hates it, but she’s so much better at questioning me about my motivations to write, and extending patience when the inspiration falls down on me.
And I return, hope that I have grown to admire the patient and measured way that she conducts her business in our home and in her professional life. She is a woman of class and grace, and I’ve learned that planning and dedication to a task or two is much better than a sprawling hive of ideas coming to life but never to fruition. She is so organized, so meticulous, so everything I used to buck, but now can’t live without. Every single day, I am impressed more than I was the day before. Seriously.
That’s the best part. The worst part? Occasionally, you have to get off of your lazy behind and show it. And not just with a flowery blog post, but with some chores and some other stuff around the house that have been sitting for weeks unattended.
And if that’s the worst part of marriage, you can guess that life with the one you love ain’t so bad.
Having been in the game for almost two years, I can tell you a little something about being married.
It takes an extreme amount of arrogance. What else can it be when you can fully commit your life to monogamy, changes in lifestyle, and a total submersion of your feelings into someone else’s actions?
Knowing that, you’ll never know for sure if you are that stuck on yourself to be married. However, there are five signs that you are close to being that self-centered.
I have to say, the more I hear from Rick Warren, the cooler I think he is. He comes off more as a zestful follower of God than a crazy zealot, and I can appreciate that.
Here’s the pastor breaking down how to make marriage work. It’s worth the few minutes to watch it.
My wife and I spent a big part of our weekend talking with a dear friend whose marriage is in a bad spot. For a variety of internal and external reasons, the union is on a bad course and looks to be heading towards ending.
It got me thinking of things that make a marriage happy and healthy, and while you can look in a magazine or on in a book for similar answers, here are five physical behaviors that can be hallmarks of a strong relationship.
Life will wear you down if you let it. You can spend so much time working hard for your family to get ahead, that your family gets the worst of you. The tired, grumpy, inattentive, disengaged you.
And nobody wants that.
Think of your life as two distinct personalities. There is a personality that your profession and hustle requires you to be. This personality is important; it requires ingenuity and drive. You use this personality to make money, improve networking, and build opportunities.
One of the luxuries my wife and I enjoy is the ability to tell each other what we truly think. It may go through a couple “nothing’s wrongs,” but eventually, we get out what we need to say to each other. And it usually turns out to be the best thing for each other, because we draw that much closer to understanding each other completely.
So, with all the courage I could muster, I waited until we nearly fell asleep last night to tell her that she’s been having mood swings lately. I said it nicely, with plenty of tact. I waited for her to go silent on me, or to blow up. “Either way,” I thought, “this isn’t going to end up in a restful night’s sleep.”
