The Problem With Apologies
You have a fight with your spouse or your significant other. You can see the validity of what they are saying, but you are not convinced that your opinion is any less valid. Whole lotta squawking, little bit of storming off, and you find yourself sitting somewhere with things not quite right between you and your soul mate or prototype.
Who calls who first to get the apology wheels turning?
I’m sure that if could ever fill the pages of a book or a mason jar with the answer to that question, I’d be getting Oprah money. Hell, she already has most of the world convinced that she has the answer anyway, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she genuinely did. After all, seems like most men wouldn’t get married if they didn’t think the cures to all of life’s ills were in a pretty smile and a home cooked meal. And Steadman seems pretty satisfied.
But I digress. Me and my wife are beefing. Not big time, but well done enough to update this blog about it. As with most arguments, the details do not matter, and most of what really needed to be said never got said because of the way other things were said. The question for me personally is this; when you feel both sides are equally right, in which direction does the apology scale then tip? It’s not like justice, where truth has the strange ability to bend it like Beckham when it comes to who is right. But when you are both right, are you caving in? Are you just trying to create peace, which will ultimately make for more war down the line?
Is pride in your point a good thing when it comes to love?
My mind tells me no, but I’m real uncomfortable with the fact that my mind talks to me more often then her mind talks to her. You have to hand it to women; they manage their leverage far better than we do. I know what I’ll miss if I don’t try to make things right, but I’m not sure what she’ll miss if she doesn’t try. Ultimately, I think she knows that, and perhaps she deserves that advantage. After all, the whole final say on decisions and more muscle thing is a pretty decent perk.
Add that to the fact that maybe I could be as attentive as she is, and that I could be as patient as she is, and as good a listener. I guess that’s what happens when you have more muscle mass; more arm strength to cover your ears and more stamina for a running mouth.
So maybe it’s not caving in when you just want things to be right between you and your wife. Maybe you are stronger for forcing yourself to be humble, to move on and to let live. Maybe you aren’t, but chances are pretty good that she’ll think you are for doing so. And while she’ll never admit it, maybe she’ll love the fact that you soften and concede because she’s worth it, and you know it.
Now, and every war after.