A Patient of Patience
It has become crystal clear that in order to make it to thirty years of marriage, you have to make it to three months of marriage. Sounds pretty simplistic, but when you think about it, it’s heavy enough and deep enough that it can get you through some tough and trying times. After all, timeless saying like ‘one day at a time’ or ‘one step at a time’ would be so timeless if they were as light in meaning as they sound.
So far, in the three months and some change since I’ve been married, my wife and I have had a number of less-than-ecstatic exchanges. While none have been caustic in any way, I’ve chalked them all up to the adjustments to the new house, exhausting work and school schedules, and the lack of intimate time they create. I believe that we try to be understanding of each other, but the same thing that binds us so tightly to each other is the same thing that can have us using all this new space to avoid each other:
The fact that we don’t mind saying to each other when the other person is getting on our nerves, and exactly how they are doing it.
Open lines of communication have always been our strong points. We might get angry and catch attitudes, but way more often than not we regroup and honestly discuss our feelings, right or wrong. From my view, it appears that we regularly alternate taking turns in letting the other person be right, even when we feel they are dead wrong. We both have been single for far much longer than we’ve been together, and its for this reason that our communication is even more important. Beyond listening and understanding, there’s one core value that is the constant in a healthy relationship.
Patience.
It’s something that is brand new to me. I never knew what patience really meant until I figured out just how much I interrupt my wife when she’s trying to express her feelings. I never knew that patience meant to keep feelings off my sleeve, and carefully structured on my lips. You can accomplish much more if you command this honorable virtue and apply it to your everyday life. Especially with your wife. I use to think that I would try my hardest to figure out the difference between women and men, so that I could put it in hardback and make millions. The truth is, the differences are so small, they’re not worth analyzing. Our exaggerated reaction is what makes us so different, and that’s where patience plays such a major role.
Think about it. Put what you want to say to the side just one time, and dedicate yourself totally to her needs. You might be surprised how a little patience goes a long way. The louder you want to yell signifies you should talk even softer, and when you reach your breaking point of pride, humble yourself even more. I don’t really mind being in patience rehab, as I believe it will make me a better steward over my wife’s feelings in the long run.