20 Minutes to Better Sex in Your Marriage
Let’s say you’ve been married for a short period of time like I have. Hopefully, your marriage is one of laughter, communication and sharing. And while everything on the outside is looking and feeling great, life has gotten in the way of more intimate moments.
In other words, the humping ain’t like it used to be back in the dating days.
But you can change all of that in just 20 minutes. No acrobatics necessary and no purchases necessary to discover new pleasures and passion in a meaningful relationship.
5 min. – Think about what you want out of your sexual experience. Not just fantasies, but what really makes the emotional connection for you in sex. If you can’t think of anything, you should probably take the full 20 minutes for this part.
10 min. - Take this time to talk with your partner about what you want. It might take a little longer than that, but five minutes of solid communication and solid listening without bias can be a really good aphrodisiac. And an incredible trust builder; absolutely necessary for good sex.
5 min. - If you have approached the last 15 minutes with honesty and candor, you should be in the mood for intense intimacy, so now it’s time to hurry up and wait. Don’t rush to sex, but rush to take time to understand how much it means. Hold hands for a while, try to recapture the way a first kiss feels.
Then, get to the humping.
January 15th, 2009 at 3:42 am
Yea I tried this suggestion, but…it’s a lot deeper than that. What if I like anal sex and he doesn’t? Then what does a woman do? I’m thinking about gettin it from someone else. And I don’t just want to be humped.
January 15th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
I don’t want to trivialize it, but if you can negotiate different tastes in music, food, movies and television, you can probably negotiate this.
It is deeper than sex. It seems like you have some other issues with him that are coming out on the topic of sex.
January 16th, 2009 at 2:02 am
I guess you could say that, but if anything I just love sex. I think he can’t handle the fact that I am a dancer. I was a dancer when he met me but of course like all men, he’s intimidated by it. I told him that I won’t be doing it for too much longer. I just do it to pay for graduate school. I don’t actually dance in a bar or anything. I’m a private dancer and I do like birthday parties or other events. And it makes very good money. He is a very sweet guy and we’ve been dating for about 3 years. But sometimes he just can’t handle how sexually stimulating I am. I’ve always been taught to please the one I love and that’s what I want to do for him. I’ve tried talking to him but it doesn’t seem to work. In terms of music, food, or tv…well of course we similar tastes in all of those. But when it really comes down to it, I need to be pleasure beyond all recognition. I have my own business, I’m well-traveled, educated and not to toot my own horn but yes I do have a very bangin body that I go to tha gym religiously to keep up lol. So having a good man that loves me for me and can handle my sexual interests as well as my other interests is mandatory ya know?
January 16th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
It may be best to sever the ties while there aren’t many shared interests involved, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned about being in a serious relationship, it’s that the relationship is always best served in the terms of ‘us.’
If you cut it off with this guy, you may find another who is completely in tune with you sexually, but also with other women. You may find an absolutely perfect guy who is fulfilling and faithful, but who doesn’t like to go out, or is emotionally detached.
The combinations for imperfection are always going to be there. The true test of emotional maturity and self-awareness is finding out which imperfections you are most willing to sacrifice for the good of your mate and yourself. Maybe this isn’t the combination for you, but so long as you know they are there, you’ll be a lot better off.
January 17th, 2009 at 8:46 pm
Indeed, ok well I really appreciate your advice man. And after talkin to some other friends, I have decided to end my relationship. Once again your wife is a very lucky woman to have such an insightful and wonderful husband. Much success to you both, and if you know anyone that is having a bachelor party in the near future let me know via email. Happy Inauguration!