How To Resolve an Argument With Your Wife
Now that is a question for the ages. You’ve duked it out, said some things you should have, heard some things you’d rather not have, and one of you have stormed off contemplating what life would be like without the other.
That’s okay. That’s normal. What’s not normal is if you are seeking a permanent solution to this problem, because no such solution exists.
If someone tried to predict for you what you would want for dinner every night, using a selection of your 20 favorite dishes, you would still emerge somewhat disappointed. Why? Because your mind and time would be spent wishing for the other dishes you could have had but weren’t prepared. That’s what trying to solve an argument is like. When you think you’ve reached an appropriate resolution, the fact that you didn’t try another angle is incentive for more bickering.
And that goes both ways, so don’t dare attribute that to the delicate nature of your wife’s emotional range.
The point is that you have to approach every disagreement with love and compassion. If you get wrapped up in proving a point, not feeling heard, feeling disrespected or being bullied, then chances are she will be feeling the same way. Because you will probably do those same things to bring her down to your level.
True communication is not in talking, but in listening. Make it an objective to be as quiet as possible, if for no other reason than to piss your wife off. Countless points have been proven in utter silence. Sit-ins at lunch counters, anti-war rallies, and silent audibles are all effective tools in getting something accomplished.
And when she’s at a level that you think you can manage, just talk it out. Find out her objectives in the situation, the argument and in life. Then discover how you can once again balance your objectives with hers.
Even as I write this, I think back on all of the arguments I failed to managed effectively. I can’t think about her role, because that’s out of my control. I have to think about my tone, my demeanor and my word selection.
If you want to solve arguments with your wife, the best solution is to solve insecurities within yourself.