60 Days to Heaven

I never really considered the prospect of being unhappily married, but now that I’ve seen my fill of Divorce Court-styled shows playing in the locker room of the gym I go to, I now see that misery in a marriage is a real thing.

So what is the formula to being happily married?

Seems to me, that it starts and ends with each of us. As individuals.

One of the biggest pitfalls in relationships, but specifically marriage, is a reliance upon the partner to be the end all and be all of happiness. We expect our wives or husbands to be the ultimate reservoir of support, compassion, understanding and banter. That’s a pretty tall order for one person to fulfill every single day for the rest of their lives.

There are going to be times where your spouse will have you on cloud nine. And sometimes, your spouse will drive you up the freakin’ wall. But you can’t assign how you feel and why you feel solely to your partner. Sometimes, you have to take the mantle up for your own mentality.

If you are talking to your wife about something and she gives the sign she could care less about it, go talk to somebody who does. A buddy, a sibling, a co-worker. Don’t forget you have other social outlets that are perfect targets for those interests you and your spouse don’t share in common.

If you are having a hard time getting your husband to try new things, try them without him. Contrary to popular belief, husbands don’t like being left at home all of the time. Particularly when it becomes a habit.

And if there are specific things that you and your spouse just can’t agree on, agree to disagree and break out the old pro/con list. Each go to your separate corners and draw up the positives and negatives of any given situation. There is no subjectivity with this. The one with the most logical positives that better both members of the relationship wins.

Fair is fair.

And everybody is happy.

The rocket science of love is not figuring out the other person, but in constantly learning who you are. Moderating your own levels of tolerance, expectation and appreciation can lead you to new heights of love and feeling for your partner.

This entry was posted Thursday, January 29th, 2009 at 4:05 pm and is filed under Life. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.