Looking Through the Scope of Marriage
Often, it’s easy to look at your spouse and their flaws as a troublesome sign of turmoil. My wife and I had a pretty intense argument last night, and about halfway through getting turned around on the fourth surface issue instead of the real problems, I realized that, I make far too much of a big deal about her flaws instead of the things I absolutely adore about her.
It’s easy to look at your husband or wife and say “I wish she wouldn’t talk down to me,” or “I wish he wasn’t so arrogant.” But how many people in the heat of an emotional battle can look around and say, “You know what? This is bad, but I’m so glad this is not you 24/7, 365.”
Nobody is anything all of the time. Nobody is understanding all of the time, sensitive all of the time, or judgmental and stubborn all of the time. We are all of those things some of the time, and every so often, your worst meets up with your partner’s best (or worst) and somebody’s feelings gets hurt. No worries, just a blip on the totality of the relationship.
Maybe you do argue with your spouse over and over again about the same things. Perhaps you have fundamental differences on some key marital issues. But something is keeping you around to bet on everything working out, and that’s a good thing. The best thing to do is look at your partner for their entire body of work as a friend, lover and spouse. Marriages work when people remember the great things when times are not so great.
Don’t get all caught up in proving yourself right or proving your spouse horrible, that you forget all of the reasons why you married them, that they continue to live up to everyday.
February 21st, 2009 at 6:49 pm
Again…another awesome post. So was the last one, too.