What Your Husband Expects From You
Every now and then, I do a careful assessment of who I am and what I want. I try to think about the things that I selfishly pursue in life, versus the things that I can do for my family, friends and community to make everybody else a little happier or better off.
The reason I do that is because I spent so many of my early adult years not knowing my place in life. I had plenty of ideas, dreams, on aspirations to be an asset to the world, and no real direction. And the moment I began to take inventory of what I had to offer, as soon as I began to understand myself as an individual, here comes my dream girl.
So now, part of her gig as my wife is supplementing those dreams and evolving aspirations. And nobody does it better than her.
I’m a flighty person, to say the least. I can be wrapped up with a business idea one day, totally integrated into blogging the next, and completely lazy on Saturday. In the beginning, that used to drive her crazy. But now that she can rely on the fact that I will never cost our family more money than I bring in, and that all my shifting priorities will never supersede my love and devotion to her, she has no problem giving me the encouragement, the space, and the belief that I need to see things to a point of success or completion.
This is what your husband is looking for from you, ever single day. He may not be as wishy-washy as I am, but he’s counting on you to deliver consistent support and appreciation for the things that he does, and the things that he wants to do. One of the most frightening things to a man considering getting married is the prospect of canceling many of his dreams. And that’s going to happen when he finds his dream girl and his priorities require change.
But that doesn’t mean all dreams go out of the window, and you shouldn’t let them. Sometimes dreams are hard to identify, because we men want to be closed and allow life to head on its own in the direction we believe it should go in. But if you actively speak to your husband and ask direct questions about his place in life, while confirming his place in yours, you can get him to that happier place.
There’s nothing wrong with the simple questions of “What do you want to do in life?” “How can I help you get there?” Even if its being a slam dunk champion at the age of 43, you can show him that you care and believe in him by purchasing plyometrics tapes. If he wants to be a chef, be willing to try new dishes.
And if he just wants peace and stability, broker those things in with your shared interests, and your needs in the relationship.
The good news is that men are simple and want little more than a quiet life with occasional moments of thrill and conquest. You can make this happen everyday with a simple word or smile of pride and support.
April 14th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
As always…I really dig the post. I bet Q will, too.