We’re All Terrible Parents
…well, maybe the situation isn’t quite so bleak, but there is new perspective about parenting that got me thinking as a new dad, and should catch your fancy as well.
How do parents unwittingly encourage kids to lie?
AM: A lot of the time, you as a parent already know that your kid has done something wrong. When you say “Did you ditch school?” you’re setting him up to say, “No, I didn’t.” And then you get angry that he lied and ditched.
PM: Setting them up is one way. Another is parents telling white lies in front of their kids, who aren’t able to distinguish between lies and white lies until they’re at least 7 or 8. The third way is kids hearing constantly “don’t tattle, don’t tell.” But at some point, when a child’s friend might be doing something dangerous, the parents say, “Why didn’t you tell me? You lied to me by not telling me.” There’s a real tradeoff here, because we do want kids to try to work things out on their own before they come to a grownup and complain. But the science says that largely they do [already].
