As a kid, I was always imaging to be something more than what I was; not that I was unhappy with my family or my life, but I always felt the need to pursue more, to do something that I had no business even dreaming about. And that path of safety and anonymity almost worked out for me; I grew up, graduated from college, got a state job with a good title and worked with great people. But the common theme that governed my discontent throughout life become more pronounced in adulthood than it was in childhood.

And after I got married, the feeling morphed from a tug and whisper to a slap and all-out shout. My life needed to defined by more than domestic and professional ethics. I needed to find a higher purpose.

Lo and behold, blogging was the outlet. And two years into a semi-professional career as a blogger, it is this example that sets the curriculum for my first lesson to my son:

Allow your life to be determined by your imagination, not expectations.

Nothing is a freeing as allowing room for your dreams to meld with reality. I still work a job, get benefits and make sure my family members eat and have a roof over their heads. I’m not dissociated from what life and family responsibility entails, but my dreams of being a writer are thoroughly interwoven within these responsibilities.

I write in my free time. My wife supports and encourages the craft at any an all moments when inspiration hits. Even in the infant stages of this burgeoning career in social media literature, I feel empowered and capable of making my dream of leveraging a passion into a lucrative and rewarding career.

And that’s what I want June to know. That whether he pursues a dream in the arts, sciences, athletics or politics, nothing should interfere with that pursuit. Not education, not family requirements, not religious supplications. He, like I, has a specific purpose that his life must bring to bear. And if I can develop a love and fervor for that purpose by encouraging and feeding his imagination, I hope that it will be an effective tool in leveraging his happiness and worth to his family.

For example, my wife has learned that I’m a flighty, spur-of-the-moment writer. As we approach our second wedding anniversary, I am amazed at how much she has grown to love and admire that about me. Maybe she still hates it, but she’s so much better at questioning me about my motivations to write, and extending patience when the inspiration falls down on me.

And I return, hope that I have grown to admire the patient and measured way that she conducts her business in our home and in her professional life. She is a woman of class and grace, and I’ve learned that planning and dedication to a task or two is much better than a sprawling hive of ideas coming to life but never to fruition. She is so organized, so meticulous, so everything I used to buck, but now can’t live without. Every single day, I am impressed more than I was the day before. Seriously.

That’s the best part. The worst part? Occasionally, you have to get off of your lazy behind and show it. And not just with a flowery blog post, but with some chores and some other stuff around the house that have been sitting for weeks unattended.

And if that’s the worst part of marriage, you can guess that life with the one you love ain’t so bad.

And it made me realize just how infrequently we actually hang out with our friends.

Truth is, schoolwork isn’t the only thing that can bind you in your house and create a chasm between you and your friends. Work can do it. Children can do it. And fatigue from both can certainly do it. You find that those college roommates, co-workers and people you hang out with at the gym become more distant and distant by the day, and you shrink into your daily life as a spouse and parent.

But friendships are important, because the people you hang out with are the barometer for who you truly are, and who you are likely to become. They are the sounding boards for opinions of all shapes and colors. They are the good advice you probably won’t take. They are the trusted outlets for when you vent about your own marital hiccups.

This shouldn’t be taken for granted. Having friends and making new ones is something that defines individuality and mental well-being. We all have the desire to be liked, to be popular, and to matter – and not just to a couple of people.

It’s a good thing to hang out and fellowship with your friends every now and then, because changes in your life can cause you to change as a person, and you shouldn’t have to depart from who you are to be everything your family needs.

Call two friends tonight that you haven’t spoken to in what seems like months. Get the spark back in gossiping and sharing a laugh with someone other than your spouse. It’s healthy, and although you may think you are missing something with your family in moments away from them, it’s those moments that will strengthen your ties far down the road.

I have found that, as much as I would like to share with the world about our happiness and sadness, what we do right and what we do wrong, that marriage is not a transparent thing. It’s not for people to look within and see what makes you and your spouse tick. It is a collection of situations and moments that uplift your spirit, and humbles you to the divine miracle of sharing your life with a totally different kind of person.

But every now and then, the divine miracle is not designed for happily ever after. The miracle is in recognizing God’s warning signs for you to leave.

Everyone is dragging baggage behind them in every relationship. Some people believe that they can buy enough luggage to carry it, or jump in the bed often enough to quickly stuff the baggage beneath lustful and empty escapades. Some people feel if they stay at work long enough, the baggage will magically get lost in emails and proposals and business flights.

But you can’t get rid of your stuff, or your partner’s things. And sometimes, to travel lightly on this road of life, you have to recognize when to simply drop things off.

You may have lifelong memories that you don’t want to simply leave behind, but is it worth taking emotional or physical abuse? He or she may be the kindest and most gentle person in the world, but if their initiative for working and progress doesn’t match yours, sweet and tender filling of the spirit won’t keep food on the table or happiness in your heart.

It’s time to steal away. Steal away from the tugging sensation of what your partner could be, and recognize them for what they are. Not good for you. Maybe they could be, but your life is too valuable and too short to invest in long term development projects. Don’t confuse pain and heartache with triumph of the spirit and love everlasting.

Sometimes marriage just doesn’t work.

When you find yourself asking “should I stay or should I go” in moments that are not hallmarked by passionate disagreement, it’s time to go. This blog has long been about valuing marriage and receiving its blessings, but in my own life, I bear witness to so many who won’t relinquish themselves of a lifetime of disappointment and struggle, all for the sake of public opinion and personal fear.

My wife and I have firmly established our boundaries for what our collective being can tolerate from our individual pursuits. If one of us crosses these boundaries, then our relationship ends. Right now, you are suffering while your spouse is oblivious to the pain they are causing you. Right now, your spouse is suffering while you are oblivious to the pain you are causing them.

Get out. There is something better just ahead of you, that you may miss if you keep looking towards what you know is not working.

Steal away. You ain’t got long to stay here.

So what is the formula to being happily married?

Seems to me, that it starts and ends with each of us. As individuals.

One of the biggest pitfalls in relationships, but specifically marriage, is a reliance upon the partner to be the end all and be all of happiness. We expect our wives or husbands to be the ultimate reservoir of support, compassion, understanding and banter. That’s a pretty tall order for one person to fulfill every single day for the rest of their lives.

There are going to be times where your spouse will have you on cloud nine. And sometimes, your spouse will drive you up the freakin’ wall. But you can’t assign how you feel and why you feel solely to your partner. Sometimes, you have to take the mantle up for your own mentality.

If you are talking to your wife about something and she gives the sign she could care less about it, go talk to somebody who does. A buddy, a sibling, a co-worker. Don’t forget you have other social outlets that are perfect targets for those interests you and your spouse don’t share in common.

If you are having a hard time getting your husband to try new things, try them without him. Contrary to popular belief, husbands don’t like being left at home all of the time. Particularly when it becomes a habit.

And if there are specific things that you and your spouse just can’t agree on, agree to disagree and break out the old pro/con list. Each go to your separate corners and draw up the positives and negatives of any given situation. There is no subjectivity with this. The one with the most logical positives that better both members of the relationship wins.

Fair is fair.

And everybody is happy.

The rocket science of love is not figuring out the other person, but in constantly learning who you are. Moderating your own levels of tolerance, expectation and appreciation can lead you to new heights of love and feeling for your partner.

And if you’re lucky, the same social minutiae that you laugh at, your spouse finds equally hilarious.

One of the joys of being with my wife is being in a setting, be it grocery store, mall, church, etc., and seeing something so worthy of scorn and mockery, that it only takes one look from either of us to elicit a response along these lines;

• Don’t even look at me
• Shut up
• If you don’t stop it
• You’re so stupid

Inevitably, the true laughter comes once we get to the car or a place where whispering and giggling wouldn’t be socially inappropriate. And we both know its wrong, and we both know that people probably laugh at and talk about us as much as we do other folks.

But its part of the common bond of marriage. Lunacy in all of its forms is funny. And it makes your flaws seem a little less annoying. So go ahead, laugh at somebody. The person you mock today may be the tender moment you and your partner have sorely needed and deserved.

Nevertheless, history calls.

And not just the history of Obama’s presidency, but the history of our marriage. Voting for him, watching him win, and tomorrow’s speech will all be sub-moments in the history of our marriage along the common thread of Obama’s historic campaign. We’ll be able to tell our children about those days and how we felt experiencing them together.

The harsh weather is going to be an added bonus to the tale we’ll tell, and while it won’t make it any more bearable tomorrow, it will mean a lot in our lives going forward.

Marriages are built or torn apart on history. Histories of surprises, deceit, tender moments and violence. Faith and distrust. The moments you craft create the history that drives your relationship til death do you part. And when it’s done, those who bore witness to the history you created with your spouse will be the ones to tell about it. To inspire others to make their own history.

It doesn’t necessarily require you to go see the first black President, but you can do something today that will rewrite the history of your relationship. Take her somewhere neither of you has ever been, and tell her why she’s special enough to be surprised. Tell him five reasons why you can’t live without him.

You’ll have a moment, and several thereafter, that will be just for the history books.

And none of this will even come close to the amount of people that will be on the Mall for the President Inauguration of Barack Obama.

My heart inclines me to go so bad, but everything else associated with my body asks, “what in the heck are you thinking?” It’s scheduled to be five degrees above freezing that day, traffic has been projected to be so dramatic that a state of emergency has been declared, and the roads in and out of town will be severly limited.

So of course, the wife and I are divided on whether we should attend or not.

Being the black power advocate that I am, she can’t believe that I am so willing and content to watch the inauguration from home. With such a dramatic moment in the world’s history, a moment that most black folks have waited for since our forced arrival in America, she can’t understand why I would rather play the sidelines than be front and center.

And for all of my ability, I can’t make her see that I don’t want my memory of the inauguration to be one of frustration with crowds, and the flu I would undoubtedly catch afterwards with no sick leave from work, or the fact that she would be ready to go in less than an hour from being so cold. She can’t imagine my hesitation to stand somewhere where I can’t see or hear his acceptance speech, or any of the music.

Nope, we aren’t on the same page.

I get her point, and respect her tenacity. On this issue, she has a lot more gumption than I do. But I’d rather spectate the event and the moment somewhere comfortably, free to cry and shout Hallelujah without the tears being forced out by freezing wind, and without the Hallelujah being associated as the beginning of a religious terrorist act. It’s a moment for all of us to enjoy in the way we want our hearts to be warmed.

Whether its in the freezing air or not.

Everything was good, with the exception of a battery going up in my wife’s car.

Strangely enough, it didn’t put an entire damper on our entire Christmas celebration. We found out that the car wouldn’t start on Christmas Eve, which meant that we could not get it looked at until the 26th, a day that I had to work. I tried my best to secure another battery and put it in myself, only to discover that I put the battery in backwards and blew a fuse.

Yep. Just trying to help.

But a strange Christmas miracle happened, and its only a Christmas miracle because it happened on Christmas night. My wife was overwhlemed with appreciation. Overwhelmed to the point that she expressed it to me several times over the weekend. In marriage, appreciation is all that is ever wanted by both husband and wife. Wife on a daily basis, and husband every now and then.

For my now and then to come on Christmas made it extra special, because I felt that, even though I messed up, my wife could always count on me. And that’s all I’ve ever wanted her to know. That she can always count on me.

Eventually, the car got fixed and everything is back to normal, but if anyone happens to know the reset codes on a 2005 Mazda 6, it would be an even better Christmas.

It will be her first birthday as a married woman not spent on a cruise ship honeymooning.

So she got me real good two ways. First, by having the wedding so close to her birthday, and two, making sure that I had to do it big to keep up with the great “birthday/we just got hitched” present of 2007.

Got the flowers to be sent to her office, and I have the expensive dinner lined up at one of her favorite places. I am too good at this.

Seriously, sometimes you have to pat yourself on the back as a husband. You know the stereotypes that are out there about us. We’re lazy. We’re insensitive. We’re clueless as emotional partners.

I firmly believe in reinventing who I am for her on almost a daily basis. I don’t always get it right, but when I do, she’s pretty happy about it. And I can honestly say that it still feels new enough to us that she doesn’t view my attempts as contrived plans to win her excitement and favor.

She knows that I love her more than anything, and loves the fact that I shake it up sometimes.

Why? Because I’m just that cool.