And isn’t it funny how much American politics and marriage are tied together? The subtle nuances that can make the difference between election and simple candidacy are intricately linked to the one you love. On the democratic side, the Clintons and the Obamas’ relationships have been a focal point of the party’s divide, and its unification.

No matter the party, male or female, its customary for the candidate to campaign with their loved one, and if they aren’t loved, the one they are with. It communicates loyalty, fidelity, values and commitment on the part of an individual running for public service by appearing with a spouse. If people are shown that the candidate can manage a relationship and a household, then surely they can govern a group of people, right?

So if marriage communicates all of these things, then why do so many of them break apart? And if they are a symbol of fidelity and commitment, then why do so many politicians split from their spouses?

It comes down to tolerance and endurance. Do you have the ability to tolerate foolishness and disagreements, even when it seems like the logical choice would be to exit? Can you endure tragedy, heartbreak and difficult decisions, even when those who are supposed to be your closest allies become adversarial?

But most of all, can you be the politician that your relationship requires you to be?

Does your spouse respond better to straight shooting, or a softened perspective? Do you say what you think needs to be heard, or cater to what you know they want to hear? It is never an easy process to master the politics of family life and a long-term relationship, but everyday affords the opportunity to transcend from candidate to Commander-In-Chief.

The last analysis of these sick sesssions, the answer is always the same. Not very well.

When we argue, I go through major changes. I can’t concentrate. I can’t focus on a singular task. All I can think about is our disrupted harmony and how to reestablish peace in our lives. The man in me regards this as a weakness, because such physiological and emotional attachment can be easily exploited by the sneakiest of spouses.

But if your spouse is a sneak, he or she probably shouldn’t be your spouse.

Which leads me to this; a blog entry that I believe, comes as close to the feeling of what it would be like to be alone. I feel for this sister and her loss, and the degrees of difficulty involved in getting over it. I don’t write about this as an emotional exhalation on how lucky I am in my relationship, but to recognize that even in my dream world, some people still battle through nightmares playing out in living color.

To read this felt like the worst thing that could happen. Bankruptcy on multiple emotional and financial levels with no immediate source of reciprocity. Hurtful, yet true for a whole bunch of people in the world today, and that is saddening.

“Things have been going so great, that someone actually had to remind us that ‘Hey, you do remember those papers are still there.’ Literally, it was days ago,” Shaunie O’Neal said. “So, we’ve agreed that before we leave Florida in a few days we’ll make sure that that’s gone away.”

Maybe they got some type of spirtual counseling, maybe they realized they love each other more than their “irreconcilable differences.”

Or maybe, somebody told Shaq how divorce tastes.

Whatever the case may be, you can only hope the kids are happier, whatever issues were present dissipate, and that Shaq is motivated to score more than 12 points per game next season.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m built Charmin sensitive and usually don’t hesitate to let her know as such. But whether its confidence in myself, or trust in her, or a little bit of both, its becoming much easier to express to her the way I feel, in a way that she understands why I feel the way I feel.

I think that our biggest fear as husband and wife is to become partners or casual co-habitants in our lives and home. We don’t want to wake up one day and find we really don’t talk, needs are going unmet and flames of passion are dimming, only for our genuine love for each other to be the only thing keeping it all together. We want to be friends, lovers and partners forever, and recognizing what the other brings to the table makes it a lot easier to put your stuff out there as well.

Who wants to feel like they should say something but are intimidated to do so? Have you ever felt like your husband or wife didn’t understand you? Like what you felt didn’t matter? You should tell them that, because whether its true or not, they’ll appreciate you a lot more when you let your guard down around them.

It seems like just yesterday I was standing at the altar. I know that sounds weird, but the feeling of newness is still very present for me. My wife will tell you about adjustments that we’ve made and how much stronger we are as a couple, and all of that is true. But the novelty of being married to someone, specifically here is still very much a part of my relationship.

And because it is such a real part, the comfort level of coming home to and talking to the same woman every day is higher than I could have imagined. Not that I anticipated being bored with my wife, as we were together for a year prior to our marriage. But I never knew that coming home and chilling with my wife/best friend would be such a relaxing daily process. Our relationship has truly shown me the definition of how a home can be a refuge.

The refuge and safety that I find at home makes it so hard to believe that we’ve done so much over such a small period of time. Marriage, home ownership, new jobs, all of that seems like one big adventure that plays out every day. The blessings just keep happening for us on a regular basis. I’m not sure if the honeymoon phase is over after this amount of time, but I can say that it sure doesn’t feel like it.

That’s okay. That’s normal. What’s not normal is if you are seeking a permanent solution to this problem, because no such solution exists.

If someone tried to predict for you what you would want for dinner every night, using a selection of your 20 favorite dishes, you would still emerge somewhat disappointed. Why? Because your mind and time would be spent wishing for the other dishes you could have had but weren’t prepared. That’s what trying to solve an argument is like. When you think you’ve reached an appropriate resolution, the fact that you didn’t try another angle is incentive for more bickering.

And that goes both ways, so don’t dare attribute that to the delicate nature of your wife’s emotional range.

The point is that you have to approach every disagreement with love and compassion. If you get wrapped up in proving a point, not feeling heard, feeling disrespected or being bullied, then chances are she will be feeling the same way. Because you will probably do those same things to bring her down to your level.

True communication is not in talking, but in listening. Make it an objective to be as quiet as possible, if for no other reason than to piss your wife off. Countless points have been proven in utter silence. Sit-ins at lunch counters, anti-war rallies, and silent audibles are all effective tools in getting something accomplished.

And when she’s at a level that you think you can manage, just talk it out. Find out her objectives in the situation, the argument and in life. Then discover how you can once again balance your objectives with hers.

Even as I write this, I think back on all of the arguments I failed to managed effectively. I can’t think about her role, because that’s out of my control. I have to think about my tone, my demeanor and my word selection.

If you want to solve arguments with your wife, the best solution is to solve insecurities within yourself.

It will be her first birthday as a married woman not spent on a cruise ship honeymooning.

So she got me real good two ways. First, by having the wedding so close to her birthday, and two, making sure that I had to do it big to keep up with the great “birthday/we just got hitched” present of 2007.

Got the flowers to be sent to her office, and I have the expensive dinner lined up at one of her favorite places. I am too good at this.

Seriously, sometimes you have to pat yourself on the back as a husband. You know the stereotypes that are out there about us. We’re lazy. We’re insensitive. We’re clueless as emotional partners.

I firmly believe in reinventing who I am for her on almost a daily basis. I don’t always get it right, but when I do, she’s pretty happy about it. And I can honestly say that it still feels new enough to us that she doesn’t view my attempts as contrived plans to win her excitement and favor.

She knows that I love her more than anything, and loves the fact that I shake it up sometimes.

Why? Because I’m just that cool.

In other words, the humping ain’t like it used to be back in the dating days.

But you can change all of that in just 20 minutes. No acrobatics necessary and no purchases necessary to discover new pleasures and passion in a meaningful relationship.

5 min. - Think about what you want out of your sexual experience. Not just fantasies, but what really makes the emotional connection for you in sex. If you can’t think of anything, you should probably take the full 20 minutes for this part.

10 min. - Take this time to talk with your partner about what you want. It might take a little longer than that, but five minutes of solid communication and solid listening without bias can be a really good aphrodisiac. And an incredible trust builder; absolutely necessary for good sex.

5 min. - If you have approached the last 15 minutes with honesty and candor, you should be in the mood for intense intimacy, so now it’s time to hurry up and wait. Don’t rush to sex, but rush to take time to understand how much it means. Hold hands for a while, try to recapture the way a first kiss feels.

Then, get to the humping.

Having to sit in one place all day for work.

Since the inception of our relationship, my wife has never had just one job. She’s always been at this place for a couple of hours, there for a couple of hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and over here every other weekend. And in between all of that, she was going to class.

But then she found out about this little thing called internship, which for doctoral students is like a job where you get paid minimally and work to the max. That, she was ready for. What she wasn’t ready for was the fatigue involved in being stationary.

For someone who’s moved around constantly throughout her adult life, sitting down is quite the arduous task. Having to be singularly focused after years of frequent engagement in a variety of tasks can be frustrating, to say the least.

Not unlike how being a new spouse can be.

For all your life, you’ve looked out for number one. No one else but you. Sure, you had some moments and flashes of responsibility for someone else. Helping a friend out or supporting a family member, but nothing like being fully responsible for the total emotional, financial, sexual and physical well-being of another person.

If that ain’t daunting, I don’t know what is.

You have to keep reinventing yourself, every single day to make it work and worthwhile for your partner. I’ve said that before, but mostly on the positive side. Now for the negative. Some times you have to be lazy and lethargic to let the other person know that you aren’t a sham. You can’t be perfect all the time, or else the luster and excitement of romanticism and thought loses its novelty.

You have to be able to play both sides of marriage coin. Wonderful and worthless, all at the same time.

So that brings us back to my baby, who is struggling to get acclimated to the 9 to 5. She’ll get there, and she might learn to enjoy it, but for now, it’s worthless to her sense of being a constant go-getter.

Which is a perfect indication of what her life will be once her she gets going out of school.

I know this to be true, as fatigue can be one of his most powerful weapons.

Fresh off of a wonderful vacation, which was capped off by the second-most emotionally fulfilling day of my life, I compose this entry from the living room of my home, watching my dear wife bake a cake nearby. It’s 6:15 A.M. here in Baltimore. She is tired.

Tired of the hours she’s putting in at her internship, tired of volunteering, and tired of me for whatever reason she can think of once she gets home.

Granted, the internship thing has only been two days, as have the volunteer hours, but its taking a lot out of her already. And understandably, she’s taking a lot of it out on me.

The object of her angst yesterday was my lack of initiative on housework, especially with the pending visit of a house guest. She’s made clear to me in past discussions that she does the lion’s share of straightening, polishing, waxing and spritzing the house from clean to pristine when folks come through. And while I’ve never been a lazy dog who won’t load a dishwasher, throw in a load of laundry, vacuum or scrub, I’ll be the first to admit that I lack her intensity and drive to complete this list in an expeditious fashion.

Honestly, a brother just hates house work.

But I’ve tried to step my game up for her. It’s the least I can do for someone who means everything to me. I’ll never disregard her feelings, and I’ll always put what she needs ahead of what I want. 95 percent of the time, she knows this, recognizes this, and expresses her appreciation for it.

Not today.

The tiredness has her this time.

She knows it, and I know it. The issue is whether she knows that I know.

I don’t know if she knows that I know, but what I do know is that I’m in the kitchen missing out on two hours of valuable sleep, because she woke up extra early to make a cake for an event that I’m having on Friday night. I tried to dissuade her, but that’s the kind of sister she is. A black woman making it happen, all day everyday.

So I’m with her. Not just to amend for her disappointment in my lack of chore doing, but because what’s joy together without suffering together? I can’t work the same amount of hours she is outside of the house right now, but one day I will.

And she will be up with me. Trying to make up to me for reasons she shouldn’t have to, not because she should, but because she knows that the tiredness brought it out of me.

And we’ll both be tired of being tired.