My son jolted out of his sleep, eyes bulging, gasping for air but finding no room to exhale. His legs and arms were writhing, and his body began to stiffen.
Right away, I realized that he was choking. How exactly, I was not sure; but in the seconds that surprise settled into panic between me and my wife, I fleetingly thought to myself, “God, please don’t take him from us.”
You would think that that the lesson to pro athletes concerning infidelity would’ve been a well-taught, well-received one; Steve McNair lost his life because of an affair.
But as this column indicates, rather startlingly, most athletes believe its business as usual.
In a frighteningly candid way, this might be exactly what society needed to put the Tiger Woods scandal in its appropriate perspective.
There are a lot of things in my relationship I want that I don’t get, and if you’ve regularly read this blog, you likely know what they are without my having to spell them out. You also probably know that I’m totally happy with life as is currently comprised – if nothing changed for the worst, I’d be satisfied with my marriage, my lifestyle, and my place in both.
But its easy to look at things you don’t have and question if you are in an unfulfilled relationship. For as much as I champion patience and understanding, I’ve done it myself. I’ve questioned my wife’s devotion to me on the subject of moving to a new state; she wants to stay, I eventually want to leave. That’s just one example, but there are a couple of things about our relationship in which I’ve silently stewed; questioning our soul-gathering bond over more than a meal or a weekend.
Notice I didn’t say ‘fix,’ because you’ll never fix issues between your spouse and your family. There are certain ownership characteristics that both sides have that are unlikely be resolved in full, and as the man or woman in the middle, you have to accept it.
I guess the first thing to consider with Tiger Woods’ marriage to Elin Nordegren is if there is anything worth saving. With so many alleged mistresses, so public a division of trust, you wonder if it is safer and more private to bring this noisy story to a quiet end.
The problem with quality time is that guys think its non-negotiable. Pop culture has taught everybody that quality time is spent doing any activity of your wife’s choosing; because what she wants to do usually gets pushed to the rear.
And it’s true, some things your wife wants to do often get pushed to the rear. But if you are in the right relationship, and are mastering communication, quality time can be whatever you two negotiate it to be.
Take the emphasis off of the time and think more in terms of the quality. Consider emailing your wife a brief quiz, like, “What are my top five favorites outfits you wear?” Or, “What is my second favorite dessert?”
I just emailed my wife and challenged her to guess my favorite catchphrases of hers. If she gets it in time, and isn’t too groggy to respond, she may answer and nail three out of five. And we’ll laugh about it later.
Quality time.
That’s just one example, but there are a lot of ideas you can come up with to learn new things about your wife, and to engage her in ways you never have. That leads to interest and dedication, two things you never want to lose from your best girl.
Our son is just approaching six weeks old, and sometimes I look at my expanding belly and tired eyes and wonder how did I go this long without working out.
Not even once.
Can’t say that I’m in my early 20′s anymore, but as a new father, I can appreciate so much of what is offered on the YoungMommyLife.com blog.
Definitely worth a read.
Here’s something I wrote up on my personal blog about Tiger Woods’ cheating, and his admission to it on his website.
He will likely never move past this, because he’s not a big talker and will stubbornly keep this in house. But here’s hoping that the burden lightens over time.
