60 Days to Heaven

There are a lot of things in my relationship I want that I don’t get, and if you’ve regularly read this blog, you likely know what they are without my having to spell them out. You also probably know that I’m totally happy with life as is currently comprised – if nothing changed for the worst, I’d be satisfied with my marriage, my lifestyle, and my place in both.

But its easy to look at things you don’t have and question if you are in an unfulfilled relationship. For as much as I champion patience and understanding, I’ve done it myself. I’ve questioned my wife’s devotion to me on the subject of moving to a new state; she wants to stay, I eventually want to leave. That’s just one example, but there are a couple of things about our relationship in which I’ve silently stewed; questioning our soul-gathering bond over more than a meal or a weekend.

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Notice I didn’t say ‘fix,’ because you’ll never fix issues between your spouse and your family. There are certain ownership characteristics that both sides have that are unlikely be resolved in full, and as the man or woman in the middle, you have to accept it.

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I guess the first thing to consider with Tiger Woods’ marriage to Elin Nordegren is if there is anything worth saving. With so many alleged mistresses, so public a division of trust, you wonder if it is safer and more private to bring this noisy story to a quiet end.

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The problem with quality time is that guys think its non-negotiable. Pop culture has taught everybody that quality time is spent doing any activity of your wife’s choosing; because what she wants to do usually gets pushed to the rear.

And it’s true, some things your wife wants to do often get pushed to the rear. But if you are in the right relationship, and are mastering communication, quality time can be whatever you two negotiate it to be.

Take the emphasis off of the time and think more in terms of the quality. Consider emailing your wife a brief quiz, like, “What are my top five favorites outfits you wear?” Or, “What is my second favorite dessert?”

I just emailed my wife and challenged her to guess my favorite catchphrases of hers. If she gets it in time, and isn’t too groggy to respond, she may answer and nail three out of five. And we’ll laugh about it later.

Quality time.

That’s just one example, but there are a lot of ideas you can come up with to learn new things about your wife, and to engage her in ways you never have. That leads to interest and dedication, two things you never want to lose from your best girl.

Our son is just approaching six weeks old, and sometimes I look at my expanding belly and tired eyes and wonder how did I go this long without working out.

Not even once.

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Can’t say that I’m in my early 20’s anymore, but as a new father, I can appreciate so much of what is offered on the YoungMommyLife.com blog.

Definitely worth a read.

Here’s something I wrote up on my personal blog about Tiger Woods’ cheating, and his admission to it on his website.

He will likely never move past this, because he’s not a big talker and will stubbornly keep this in house. But here’s hoping that the burden lightens over time.

You have to remember that childbirth, while glorious and miraculous to the world, is traumatic to the physical make up of the mother.

Or maybe I have to remember that, because the basest, most animalistic regions of my mind go to the next time we can have sex.

My wife tells me its not a bad thing, and that there’s no shame in craving the obvious connection between husband and wife within the physical realm. And this article went a long way in tempering the selfish overtures of the mind.

And I’ll admit, in the race to thinking about our next baby, I definitely have a four-lengths lead over my wife. Despite the screaming for hours on end, the lack of sleep, and the inability to find free time, I am so ready to do it all again.

In more ways than one.

I sincerely hope that the following statement isn’t offensive to single parents, but my hand to the Lord, I honestly don’t see how it can be done.

Obviously, it happens everyday. Single parents everywhere raise beautiful children without a lot of the drama commonly associated with this family dynamic. But between the sleepless nights, evolving feeding and changing schedules, and balance with work, I really can’t visualize how one person does it all alone.

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In the three weeks since the birth of our son, my wife and I have snapped at each other no fewer than seven times. We’ve snapped about pampers, we’ve snapped about feeding, we’ve snapped about what makes him so fussy.

The good news is that we recognize the culprit behind the broken communication – mostly, a lack of sleep and a deep commitment to providing good care for our baby. We’ve talked several times about what we feel, what we mean when words are getting in the way, and how we want to better moderate our communication.

The bad part? It’s difficult to create a formula to execute this. When you don’t sleep for more than three hours a night, you can’t pinpoint the moment when you’re going to go off. The best you can do is to monitor your reactions, and to suspend your sensitivities in favor of maintaining good ties.

But there are some do’s and don’ts that we have found make this a little easier.

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